why is listening to others difficult sometimes? 2022

why is listening to others difficult sometimes? 2022

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Listening skills


Listening to People


by Ralph G. Nichols and Leonard A. StevensFrom the September 1957 Issue


Recently the top executives of a major manufacturing plant in the Chicago area were asked to survey the role that listening plays in their work. Later, an executive seminar on listening was held. Here are three typical comments made by participants:


Nội dung chính


  • Listening to People

  • The Unused Potential

  • Gap in Training

  • Ways to Improvement

  • Tracks & Sidetracks

  • Rules for Good Reception

  • Listening for Ideas

  • Emotional Filters

  • Benefits in Business

  • Less Paper Work

  • Upward Communication

  • Human Relations

  • Listening to Sell

  • In Conference


    • Frankly, I had never thought of listening as an important subject by itself. But now that I am aware of it, I think that perhaps 80% of my work depends on my listening to someone, or on someone else listening to me.

    • Ive been thinking back about things that have gone wrong over the past couple of years, and I suddenly realized that many of the troubles have resulted from someone not hearing something, or getting it in a distorted way.

    • Its interesting to me that we have considered so many facets of communication in the company, but have inadvertently overlooked listening. Ive about decided that its the most important link in the companys communications, and its obviously also the weakest one.

    These comments reflect part of an awakening that is taking place in a number of management circles. Business is tied together by its systems of communication. This communication, businessmen are discovering, depends more on the spoken word than it does on the written word; and the effectiveness of the spoken word hinges not so much on how people talk as on how they listen.


    The Unused Potential


    It can be stated, with practically no qualification, that people in general do not know how to listen. They have ears that hear very well, but seldom have they acquired the necessary aural skills which would allow those ears to be used effectively for what is called listening.


    For several years we have been testing the ability of people to understand and remember what they hear. At the University of Minnesota we examined the listening ability of several thousand students and of hundreds of business and professional people. In each case the person tested listened to short talks by faculty members and was examined for his grasp of the content.


    These extensive tests led us to this general conclusion: immediately after the average person has listened to someone talk, he remembers only about half of what he has heardno matter how carefully he thought he was listening.


    What happens as time passes? Our own testing showsand it has been substantiated by reports of research Florida State University and Michigan State University1that two months after listening to a talk, the average listener will remember only about 25% of what was said. In fact, after we have barely learned something, we tend to forget from one-half to one-third of it within eight hours; it is startling to realize that frequently we forget more in this first short interval than we do in the next six months.


    Gap in Training


    Behind this widespread inability to listen lies, in our opinion, a major oversight in our system of classroom instruction. We have focused attention on reading, considering it the primary medium by which we learn, and we have practically forgotten the art of listening. About six years are devoted to formal reading instruction in our school systems. Little emphasis is placed on speaking, and almost no attention has been given to the skill of listening, strange as this may be in view of the fact that so much lecturing is done in college. Listening trainingif it could be called traininghas often consisted merely of a series of admonitions extending from the first grade through college: Pay attention! Now get this! Open your ears! Listen!


    Certainly our teachers feel the need for good listening. Why then have so many years passed without educators developing formal methods of teaching students to listen? We have been faced with several false assumptions which have blocked the teaching of listening. For example:


    (1) We have assumed that listening ability depends largely on intelligence, that bright people listen well, and dull ones poorly. There is no denying that low intelligence has something to do with inability to listen, but we have greatly exaggerated its importance. A poor listener is not necessarily an unintelligent person. To be good listeners we must apply certain skills that are acquired through either experience or training. If a person has not acquired these listening skills, his ability to understand and retain what he hears will be low. This can happen to people with both high and low levels of intelligence.


    (2) We have assumed that learning to read will automatically teach one to listen. While some of the skills attained through reading apply to listening, the assumption is far from completely valid. Listening is a different activity from reading and requires different skills. Research has shown that reading and listening skills do not improve the same rate when only reading is taught.


    This means that in our schools, where little attention is paid to the aural element of communication, reading ability is continually upgraded while listening ability, left to falter along on its own, actually degenerates. As a fair reader and a bad listener, the typical student is graduated into a society where the chances are high that he will have to listen about three times as much as he reads.


    The barriers to listening training that have been built up by such false assumptions are coming down. Educators are realizing that listening is a skill that can be taught. In Nashville, for example, the public school system has started training in listening from elementary grades through high school. Listening is also taught in the Phoenix school system, in Cincinnati, and throughout the state of North Dakota. About two dozen major universities and colleges in the country now provide courses in listening.


    At the University of Minnesota we have been presenting a course in listening to a large segment of the freshman class. Each group of students that has taken listening training has improved least 25% in ability to understand the spoken word. Some of the groups have improved as much as 40%. We have also given a course in listening for adult education classes made up mostly of business and professional people. These people have made some of the highest gains in listening ability of any that we have seen. During one period, 60 men and women nearly doubled their listening test scores after working together on this skill one night a week for 17 weeks.


    Ways to Improvement


    Any course or any effort that will lead to listening improvement should do two things:


    1. Build awareness to factors that affect listening ability.


    2. Build the kind of aural experience that can produce good listening habits.


    At least a start on the first of these two educational elements can be made by readers of this article; a certain degree of awareness is developed by merely discussing factors that affect listening ability. Later we shall discuss some steps that might be taken in order to work the second element.


    Tracks & Sidetracks


    In general, people feel that concentration while listening is a greater problem than concentration during any other form of personal communication. Actually, listening concentration is more difficult. When we listen, concentration must be achieved despite a factor that is peculiar to aural communication, one of which few people are aware.


    Basically, the problem is caused by the fact that we think much faster than we talk. The average rate of speech for most Americans is around 125 words per minute. This rate is slow going for the human brain, which is made up of more than 13 billion cells and operates in such a complicated but efficient manner that it makes the great, modern digital computers seem slow-witted. People who study the brain are not in complete agreement on how it functions when we think, but most psychologists believe that the basic medium of thought is language. Certainly words play a large part in our thinking processes, and the words race through our brains speeds much higher than 125 words per minute. This means that, when we listen, we ask our brain to receive words an extremely slow pace compared with its capabilities.


    It might seem logical to slow down our thinking when we listen so as to coincide with the 125-word-per-minute speech rate, but slowing down thought processes seems to be a very difficult thing to do. When we listen, therefore, we continue thinking high speed while the spoken words arrive low speed. In the act of listening, the differential between thinking and speaking rates means that our brain works with hundreds of words in addition to those that we hear, assembling thoughts other than those spoken to us. To phrase it another way, we can listen and still have some spare time for thinking.


    The use, or misuse, of this spare thinking time holds the answer to how well a person can concentrate on the spoken word.


    Case of the disenchanted listener. In our studies the University of Minnesota, we find most people do not use their spare thinking time wisely as they listen. Let us illustrate how this happens by describing a familiar experience:


    A, the boss, is talking to B, the subordinate, about a new program that the firm is planning to launch. B is a poor listener. In this instance, he tries to listen well, but he has difficulty concentrating on what A has to say.


    A starts talking and B launches into the listening process, grasping every word and phrase that comes into his ears. But right away B finds that, because of As slow rate of speech, he has time to think of things other than the spoken line of thought. Subconsciously, B decides to sandwich a few thoughts of his own into the aural ones that are arriving so slowly. So B quickly dashes out onto a mental sidetrack and thinks something like this: Oh, yes, before I leave I want to tell A about the big success of the meeting I called yesterday. Then B comes back to As spoken line of thought and listens for a few more words.


    There is plenty of time for B to do just what he has done, dash away from what he hears and then return quickly, and he continues taking sidetracks to his own private thoughts. Indeed, he can hardly avoid doing this because over the years the process has become a strong aural habit of his.


    But, sooner or later, on one of the mental sidetracks, B is almost sure to stay away too long. When he returns, A is moving along ahead of him. At this point it becomes harder for B to understand A, simply because B has missed part of the oral message. The private mental sidetracks become more inviting than ever, and B slides off onto several of them. Slowly he misses more and more of what A has to say.


    When A is through talking, it is safe to say that B will have received and understood less than half of what was spoken to him.


    Rules for Good Reception


    A major task in helping people to listen better is teaching them to use their spare thinking time efficiently as they listen. What does efficiently mean? To answer this question, we made an extensive study of peoples listening habits, especially trying to discover what happens when people listen well.


    We found that good listeners regularly engage in four mental activities, each geared to the oral discourse and taking place concurrently with that oral discourse. All four of these mental activities are neatly coordinated when listening works its best. They tend to direct a maximum amount of thought to the message being received, leaving a minimum amount of time for mental excursions on sidetracks leading away from the talkers thought. Here are the four processes:


    (1) The listener thinks ahead of the talker, trying to anticipate what the oral discourse is leading to and what conclusions will be drawn from the words spoken the moment.


    (2) The listener weighs the evidence used by the talker to tư vấn the points that he makes. Is this evidence valid? the listener asks himself. Is it the complete evidence?


    (3) Periodically the listener reviews and mentally summarizes the points of the talk completed thus far.


    (4) Throughout the talk, the listener listens between the lines in search of meaning that is not necessarily put into spoken words. He pays attention to nonverbal communication (facial expressions, gestures, tone of voice) to see if it adds meaning to the spoken words. He asks himself, Is the talker purposely skirting some area of the subject? Why is he doing so?


    The speed which we think compared to that which people talk allows plenty of time to accomplish these four mental tasks when we listen; however, they do require practice before they can become part of the mental agility that makes for good listening. In our training courses we have devised aural exercises designed to give people this practice and thereby build up good habits of aural concentration.


    Listening for Ideas


    Another factor that affects listening ability concerns the reconstruction of orally communicated thoughts once they have been received by the listener. To illustrate:


    The newspapers reported not too long ago that a church was torn down in Europe and shipped stone by stone to America, where it was reassembled in its original form. The moving of the church is analogous to what happens when a person speaks and is understood by a listener. The talker has a thought. To transmit his thought, he takes it apart by putting it into words. The words, sent through the air to the listener, must then be mentally reassembled into the original thought if they are to be thoroughly understood. But most people do not know what to listen for, and so cannot reconstruct the thought.


    For some reason many people take great pride in being able to say that above all they try to get the facts when they listen. It seems logical enough to do so. If a person gets all the facts, he should certainly understand what is said to him. Therefore, many people try to memorize every single fact that is spoken. With such practice getting the facts, the listener, we can safely assume, will develop a serious bad listening habit.


    Memorizing facts is, to begin with, a virtual impossibility for most people in the listening situation. As one fact is being memorized, the whole, or part, of the next fact is almost certain to be missed. When he is doing his very best, the listener is likely to catch only a few facts, garble many others, and completely miss the remainder. Even in the case of people who can aurally assimilate all the facts that they hear, one a time as they hear them, listening is still likely to be a low level; they are concerned with the pieces of what they hear and tend to miss the broad areas of the spoken communication.


    When people talk, they want listeners to understand their ideas. The facts are useful chiefly for constructing the ideas. Grasping ideas, we have found, is the skill on which the good listener concentrates. He remembers facts only long enough to understand the ideas that are built from them. But then, almost miraculously, grasping an idea will help the listener to remember the supporting facts more effectively than does the person who goes after facts alone. This listening skill is one which definitely can be taught, one in which people can build experience leading toward improved aural communication.


    Emotional Filters


    In different degrees and in many different ways, listening ability is affected by our emotions.2 Figuratively we reach up and mentally turn off what we do not want to hear. Or, on the other hand, when someone says what we especially want to hear, we open our ears wide, accepting everythingtruths, half-truths, or fiction. We might say, then, that our emotions act as aural filters. At times they in effect cause deafness, and other times they make listening altogether too easy.


    If we hear something that opposes our most deeply rooted prejudices, notions, convictions, mores, or complexes, our brains may become over-stimulated, and not in a direction that leads to good listening. We mentally plan a rebuttal to what we hear, formulate a question designed to embarrass the talker, or perhaps simply turn to thoughts that tư vấn our own feelings on the subject hand. For example:


    The firms accountant goes to the general manager and says: I have just heard from the Bureau of Internal Revenue, and The general manager suddenly breathes harder as he thinks, That blasted bureau! Cant they leave me alone? Every year the government milks my profits to a point where Red in the face, he whirls and stares out the window. The label Bureau of Internal Revenue cuts loose emotions that stop the general managers listening.


    In the meantime, the accountant may go on to say that here is a chance to save $3,000 this year if the general manager will take a few simple steps. The fuming general manager may hear thisif the accountant presses hard enoughbut the chances are he will fail to comprehend it.


    When emotions make listening too easy, it usually results from hearing something which supports the deeply rooted inner feelings that we hold. When we hear such tư vấn, our mental barriers are dropped and everything is welcomed. We ask few questions about what we hear; our critical faculties are put out of commission by our emotions. Thinking drops to a minimum because we are hearing thoughts that we have harbored for years in tư vấn of our inner feelings. It is good to hear someone else think those thoughts, so we lazily enjoy the whole experience.


    What can we do about these emotional filters? The solution is not easy in practice, although it can be summed up in this simple admonition: hear the man out. Following are two pointers that often help in training people to do this:


    (1) Withhold evaluationThis is one of the most important principles of learning, especially learning through the ear. It requires self-control, sometimes more than many of us can muster, but with persistent practice it can be turned into a valuable habit. While listening, the main object is to comprehend each point made by the talker. Judgments and decisions should be reserved until after the talker has finished. At that time, and only then, review his main ideas and assess them.


    (2) Hunt for negative evidenceWhen we listen, it is human to go on a militant search for evidence which proves us right in what we believe. Seldom do we make a search for evidence to prove ourselves wrong. The latter type of effort is not easy, for behind its application must lie a generous spirit and real breadth of outlook. However, an important part of listening comprehension is found in the search for negative evidence in what we hear. If we make up our minds to seek out the ideas that might prove us wrong, as well as those that might prove us right, we are less in danger of missing what people have to say.


    Benefits in Business


    The improvement of listening, or simply an effort to make people aware of how important their listening ability is, can be of great value in todays business. When people in business fail to hear and understand each other, the results can be costly. Such things as numbers, dates, places, and names are especially easy to confuse, but the most straightforward agreements are often subjects of listening errors, too. When these mistakes are compounded, the resulting cost and inefficiency in business communication become serious. Building awareness of the importance of listening among employees can eliminate a large percentage of this type of aural error.


    What are some of the specific problems which better listening can help solve?


    Less Paper Work


    For one thing, it leads to economy of communication. Incidents created by poor listening frequently give businessmen a real fear of oral communication. As a result, they insist that more and more communication should be put into writing. A great giảm giá of communication needs to be on the record, but the pressure to write is often carried too far. The smallest detail becomes memoed. Paper work piles higher and higher and causes part of the tangle we call red tape. Many times less writing and more speaking would be advisableif we could plan on good listening.


    Writing and reading are much slower communication elements than speaking and listening. They require more personnel, more equipment, and more space than do speaking and listening. Often a stenographer and a messenger are needed, to say nothing of dictating machines, typewriters, and other writing materials. Few people ever feel it is safe to throw away a written communication; so filing equipment is needed, along with someone to do the filing.


    In oral communication there are more human senses work than in the visual; and if there is good listening, more can often be communicated in one message. And, perhaps most important of all, there is the give-and-take feature of oral communication. If the listener does not understand a message, he has the opportunity to straighten matters out then and there.


    Upward Communication


    The skill of listening becomes extremely important when we talk about upward communication. There are many avenues through which management can send messages downward through a business organization, but there are few avenues for movement of information in the upward direction. Perhaps the most obvious of the upward avenues is the human chain of people talking to people: the man working the bench talks to his foreman, the foreman to his superintendent, the superintendent to his boss; and, relayed from person to person, the information eventually reaches the top.


    This communication chain has potential, but it seldom works well because it is full of bad listeners. There can be failure for least three reasons:


    • Without good listeners, people do not talk freely and the flow of communication is seldom set in motion.

    • If the flow should start, only one bad listener is needed to stop its movement toward the top.

    • Even if the flow should continue to the top, the messages are likely to be badly distorted along the way.

    It would be absurd to assume that these upward communication lines could be made to operate without hitches, but there is no reason to think that they cannot be improved by better listening. But the first steps must be taken by top management people. More and better listening on their part can prime the pumps that start the upward flow of information.


    Human Relations


    People in all phases of business need to feel không lấy phí to talk to their superiors and to know they will be met with sympathetic understanding. But too many superiorsalthough they announce that their doors are always openfail to listen; and their subordinates, in the face of this failure, do not feel không lấy phí to say what they want to say. As a result, subordinates withdraw from their superiors more and more. They fail to talk about important problems that should be aired for both parties benefit. When such problems remain unaired, they often turn into unrealistic monsters that come back to plague the superior who failed to listen.


    The remedy for this sort of aural failureand it should be applied when subordinates feel the need to talkis what we have called nondirective listening. The listener hears, really tries to understand, and later shows understanding by taking action if it is required. Above all, during an oral discourse, the listener refrains from firing his own thoughts back the person talking or from indicating his displeasure or disapproval by his mannerisms or gestures; he speaks up only to ask for clarification of a point.


    Since the listener stands the chance of hearing that his most dearly held notions and ideas may be wrong, this is not an easy thing to do. To listen nondirectively without fighting back requires more courage than most of us can muster. But when nondirective listening can be applied, the results are usually worth the effort. The persons talking have a chance to unburden themselves. Equally important, the odds are better that the listener can counsel or act effectively when the time comes to make a move.


    Listening is only one phase of human relations, only one aspect of the administrators job; by itself it will solve no major problems. Yet the past experience of many executives and organizations leaves no doubt, in our opinion, that better listening can lead to a reduction of the human frictions which beset many businesses today.


    Listening to Sell


    High-pressure salesmanship is rapidly giving way to low-pressure methods in the marketing of industrial and consumer goods. Todays successful salesman is likely to center his attention on the customer-problem approach of selling.


    To put this approach to work, the skill of listening becomes an essential tool for the salesman, while his vocal agility becomes less important. How a salesman talks turns out to be relatively unimportant because what he says, when it is guided by his listening, gives power to the spoken word. In other words, the salesmans listening becomes an on-the-spot form of customer research that can immediately be put to work in formulating any sales talk.


    Regardless of the values that listening may hold for people who live by selling, a great many sales organizations seem to hold to the conviction that glibness has magic. Their efforts improvement are aimed mainly the talking side of salesmanship. It is our conviction, however, that with the typical salesman the ability to talk will almost take care of itself, but the ability to listen is something in real need of improvement.


    In Conference


    The most important affairs in business are conducted around conference tables. A great giảm giá has been said and written about how to talk a conference, how to compromise, how to get problem-centered, and how to cope with certain types of individuals. All these things can be very important, but too frequently the experts forget to say, First and foremost you must learn to listen a conference.


    The reason for this is simple when we think of the basic purpose for holding almost any conference. People get together to contribute their different viewpoints, knowledge, and experience to members of the group, which then seeks the best of all the conferees thinking to solve a common problem. If there is far more talking than listening a conference, however, the oral contributions made to the group are hardly worth the breath required to produce them.


    More and better listening any conference is certain to facilitate the exchange of ideas so important to the success of a meeting. It also offers many other advantages; for example, when participants do a good job of listening, their conference is more likely to remain centered on the problem hand and less likely to go off on irrelevant tangents.


    The first steps toward improved conference listening can be taken by the group leader. If he will simply make an opening statement calling attention to the importance of listening, he is very likely to increase the participants aural response. And if the leader himself does a good job of listening, he stands the chance of being imitated by the others in his group.


    Conclusion


    Some businessmen may want to take steps to develop a listening improvement program in their companies. Here are 14 suggestions designed to carry on what we hope this article has already started to dobuild awareness of listening.


    (1) Devote an executive seminar, or seminars, to a discussion of the roles and functions of listening as a business tool.


    (2) Use the filmed cases now becoming available for management training programs.3 Since these cases present the problem as it would appear in reality, viewers are forced to practice good listening habits in order to be sure of what is going onand this includes not only hearing the sound track but also watching the facial mannerisms, gestures, and motions of the actors.


    (3) If possible, bring in qualified speakers and ask them to discuss listening with special reference to how it might apply to business. Such speakers are available a number of universities where listening is being taught as a part of communication training.


    (4) Conduct a self-inventory by the employees regarding their listening on the job. Provide everyone with a simple form divided into spaces for each hour of the day. Each space should be further divided to allow the user to keep track of the amount of time spent in reading, writing, speaking, and listening. Discuss the results of these forms after the communication times have been totaled. What percentage of the time do people spend listening? What might improved listening mean in terms of job effectiveness?


    (5) Give a test in listening ability to people and show them the scores that they make. There is least one standardized test for this purpose.4 Discuss the meaning of the scores with the individuals tested.


    (6) Build up a library of spoken-word records of literature, speeches, and so forth (many can be purchased through record stores), and make them available in a room that has a record player. Also, lend the records to employees who might wish to take them home to enjoy them their leisure. For such a library, material pertinent to the employees jobs might be recorded so that those who are interested can listen for educational purposes.


    (7) Record a number of actual briefing sessions that may be held by plant superintendents or others. When new people go to work for the company, ask them to listen to these sessions as part of their initial training. Check their comprehension of what they hear by means of brief objective tests. Emphasize that this is being done because listening is important on the new jobs.


    (8) Set up role-playing situations wherein executives are asked to cope with complaints comparable to those that they might hear from subordinates. Ask observers to comment on how well an executive seems to listen. Do his remarks reflect a good job of listening? Does he keep himself from becoming emotionally involved in what the subordinate says? Does the executive listen in a way which would encourage the subordinate to talk freely?


    (9) Ask salesmen to divide a notebook into sections, one for each customer. After making a call, a salesman should write down all useful information received aurally from the customer. As the information grows, he should refer to it before each return visit to a customer.


    (10) Where a sales organization has a number of friendly customers, invite some of the more articulate ones to join salesmen in a group discussion of sales techniques. How do the customers feel about talking and listening on the part of salesmen? Try to get the customers to make listening critiques of salesmen they encounter.


    (11) In a training session, plan and hold a conference on a selected problem and tape-record it. Afterwards, play back the recording. Discuss it in terms of listening. Do the oral contributions of different participants reflect good listening? If the conference should go off the track, try to analyze the causes in terms of listening.


    (12) If there is time after a regularly scheduled conference, hold a listening critique. Ask each thành viên to evaluate the listening attention that he received while talking and to report his analysis of his own listening performance.


    (13) In important management meetings on controversial issues try Irving J. Lees Procedure for Coercing Agreement.5 Under the ground rules for this procedure, which Lee outlined in detail in his article, the chairman calls for a period during which proponents of a hotly debated view can state their position without interruption; the opposition is limited to (a) the asking of questions for clarification, (b) requests for information concerning the peculiar characteristics of the proposal being considered; and (c) requests for information as to whether it is possible to check the speakers assumptions or predictions.


    (14) Sponsor a series of lectures for employees, their families, and their friends. The lectures might be on any number of interesting topics that have educational value as well as entertainment features. Point out that these lectures are available as part of a listening improvement program.


    Not all of these suggestions are applicable to every situation, of course. Each firm will have to adapt them to its own particular needs. The most important thing, however, may not be what happens when a specific suggestion is followed, but rather simply what happens when people become aware of the problem of listening and of what improved aural skills can do for their jobs and their businesses.


    1. See E. J. J. Kramar and Thomas B. Lewis, Comparison of Visual and Nonvisual Listening, Journal of Communication, November 1951, p.. 16; and Arthur W. Heilman, An Investigation in Measuring and Improving Listening Ability of College Freshmen, Speech Monographs, November 1951, p.. 308.


    2. See Wendell Johnson, The Fateful Process of Mr. A Talking to Mr. B, HBR JanuaryFebruary 1953, p.. 49.


    3. See George W. Gibson, The Filmed Case in Management Training, HBR MayJune 1957, p.. 123.


    4. Brown-Carlsen Listening Comprehension Test (Yonkers-on-Hudson, World Book Company).


    5. HBR JanuaryFebruary 1954, p.. 39.


    Mr. Nichols, who heads up a Communications Program the University of Minnesota, is nationally known for his many articles and lectures on communication problems. In 19511952 he served as President of the National Society for the Study of Communication, an organization chartered to make a continuing and systematic study of communication as a means to building more harmonious relations within groups and among individuals. He has also served on the editorial boards of two national publications, has taught in a wide variety of adult education programs, and has been President of the State Speech Teachers Associations in Iowa and Minnesota.


    Mr. Stevens is a không lấy phí-lance writer and a consultant on oral presentation to a number of leading companies and also is affiliated with Management Development Associates of Tp New York. For two years he served as News Editor and Newscaster for educational radio station WSUI in Iowa City. He was doing research on the comprehension of news writing and broadcasting the University of Iowa when he met Mr. Nichols. They collaborated on some short articles on listening and now have a book coming out on the subjectAre You Listening? (McGraw-Hill Book Company, Inc., 1957).


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